Paging Doctor Skipper
by GrandOldPenguin
Summary: In this dramatic story of friendship and trust, Marlene calls upon Skipper to perform surgery when she believes she has breast cancer. Some light humor acts as comic relief to both the reader and characters involved. Rating widely for thematic material.
1. A Friend in Need

Except for the rain, it was a typical Saturday morning at the Central Park Zoo, 0909 on the clock, and the penguins were gathered around the TV in their underground HQ, watching the last few minutes of a "SpongeBob SquarePants" episode on Nickelodeon. For some strange reason, the penguins had always felt a connection to that particular television network, though none of them quite knew why.

At precisely 0912, the first of the two episodes of the show concluded, and Nickelodeon went to a short commercial break.

"Interesting specimen, that sponge fellow, wouldn't you agree, Skipper?" Kowalski asked.

"Indeed, Kowalski," Skipper replied. "Indeed."

A commercial then began to roll starring the late Billy Mays pitching Kaboom brand shower cleaner.

"Kaboom! Kaboom! Kaboom!" Rico cheered as the commercial ran, thrusting his flippers up and down in the air in celebration.

"Easy there, buddy," Skipper called out to Rico. "It's just a shower cleaning spray, not an explosive."

"Oh," Rico sadly said, bringing his flippers back down to his side.

It was then that there was a knock at the door of the penguins' HQ.

"Now who might that be?" Private inquired.

"Probably Julien wanting to borrow another cup of sugar," Skipper replied as he headed to the door. "I'll get rid of him."

Skipper answered the door and was pleasantly surprised to find that Marlene had been the one knocking.

"Hey, Marlene," Skipper greeted. "What brings you to our lair?"

"You got a few minutes, Skipper?" Marlene asked. "I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

"That's fine with me," Skipper replied. "Why don't you come on in and tell me what's on your mind."

"Actually, I was hoping you could come with me," Marlene responded.

"But it's raining out there, Marlene," Skipper stated. "You're more than welcome to join us in here. Really."

"I'll get wet, Skipper," Marlene declared. "Please, it's important."

"OK, Marlene, I'll come with you," Skipper said. "But at least step in for a moment while I get us an umbrella."

Marlene took a few steps into the penguins' HQ as Skipper waddled over to Rico.

"Rico: Umbrella," Skipper ordered Rico, who no sooner regurgitated a blue one.

"I was hoping for red," Skipper said, then turned to Marlene. "Red good with you, Marlene?"

"Red would be wonderful," Marlene said, though she really couldn't care less.

Rico then coughed up a red umbrella and handed it to Skipper.

"Thank you, Rico," Skipper said as he took it and began making his way over to the door with Marlene. "I'll see you boys later."

The two then made their exit and began walking away from the penguin habitat.

"So, how can I be of assistance, Marlene?" Skipper asked. "And where are we off to?"

Marlene did not respond to Skipper's questions and instead just kept walking with him.

"Marlene?" Skipper said, stopping. "Something's troubling you, isn't it?"

"I'm just nervous, that's all," Marlene replied. "I'll tell you about it over at my place so we can be alone."

Many thoughts then began to race through Skipper's mind as he walked with Marlene over to her habitat. "Is she sick? Has someone tried hurt her? Is she moving away? Is it something I did?" he wondered.

When they arrived and stepped inside, Marlene sat down on her couch and Skipper took a seat in a wooden chair across from her. It wasn't long before Marlene began to tell Skipper why she had brought him over.

"There are a few guys here at the zoo that I know would never hurt me," she began. "You, the other penguins, the chimps, and Julien and his bunch."

"Yes," Skipper said to acknowledge her statement.

"But I don't know any other ladies here too well, and that's why I brought you here this morning," Marlene said.

"Because I'm the most ladylike of all the guys you know?" Skipper couldn't help but inquire in a tongue-in-cheek fashion.

"No, because you're the one I trust the most," Marlene replied. "Could you maybe, maybe–"

Marlene could not manage to complete her sentence and instead began to cry.

"Marlene?!" Skipper asked, concerned, and began to walk over to her.

"Could you maybe sit down here with me?" she managed to get out this time.

Skipper took a seat next to Marlene on the couch and put a flipper around her to comfort her.

"I think I'm afraid of dying," Marlene then told Skipper.

"Well, Marlene, I kind of hate to mention it, but we're all going to go someday," Skipper said, attempting to help Marlene rationalize her fear. "That is, unless Kowalski can find the Fountain of Youth in time, and I'll be sure to cut you in if he does."

"It's not the future I'm thinking of now," Marlene replied. "It's the present."

"What's wrong, Marlene?" Skipper asked.

"You won't discuss this with anyone else?" she asked.

"Penguin's honor," Skipper said. "I'll keep it close to the flipper and between us."

"Well, I'm a mammal, and I'm a female," Marlene began. "I've got a few parts that birds and mammal fellas don't have."

"No biggie – I bet I've got a few that you don't have, either," Skipper joked, trying to ease Marlene's discomfort a little.

"There's no easy way to say it," Marlene continued, "but I think I may have breast cancer."

"Are you sure?" Skipper asked.

"There was a lump," Marlene replied. "I've seen those public service ads they put on TV for humans, so I know what to look for. I just have a bad feeling about this."

"Well, if that's what you think it is, or even could be, you've got to see one of the zoo's veterinarians," Skipper stated. "I'm not the biggest fan of those people myself, but you're going to need some degree of medical attention. They'll fix you up."

"Yeah, they'd fix me up if I had the time to wait," Marlene said. "But unless there's an obvious problem, the vets only check me out about once every year, and I'm not due for another check-up for seven more months."

"Then you've just got to find a way to get back there sooner," Skipper insisted.

"If I fake something else, they'll only check that out and ignore the real problem," Marlene replied. "And I can't just waltz over to Alice, speak English to her, point to my chest, and say, 'Hey Alice, how about a mammogram?' either."

Skipper had no reply, as he began to realize the true gravity of the situation and the potential peril his friend was in.

"Skipper, what would you do if you knew it would save me?" Marlene then asked.

"If you have a solution, I would do whatever is needed," Skipper replied. "There's no need in even having to ask what I would do."

Marlene paused for a moment to collect her thoughts and feelings and then proceeded to ask a great task of Skipper.

"Do you think you can do it, Skipper?" she asked. "Do you think you can remove it?"

"The lump?" Skipper asked.

"Yes, do you think you can – oh, never mind," Marlene said. "It's just too much to ask, and I'm sorry."

"No, Marlene, it's not too much," Skipper replied. "Not for you."

Marlene smiled and began to cry, then reached over to Skipper and hugged him.

"I owe you forever," she said.

"You don't owe me anything," Skipper replied. "In fact, even though I would have wanted to help you anyway, it is I who owe you for saving me from drowning when we were both knocked down that sewer hole here a few months ago."

"I thought you just chalked that up as 'flights of fancy'?" Marlene replied, smiling a little.

"No, that was reality," Skipper declared. "I was just a little embarrassed when it happened because I'm usually a pretty good swimmer. Heck, I even made all-state in Pennsylvania in 1993. But if you think I didn't give you an appropriate thank you after we got back up to the surface, I certainly will now: Thank you, Marlene, for saving my life."

"Anytime," Marlene replied.

"Well, let's not assume there will be another time," Skipper joked.

The two then engaged in some idle conversation for a few minutes to try to relax, but it soon came back to the pressing matter at hand.

"So, how do we take care of this?" Marlene inquired.

"I'd want to do it now, but I know better," Skipper responded. "I'll come back tomorrow morning and determine if that vile lump is cancerous, and then I'll take it from there if need be. But it's important now that I research exactly what I'm getting into, as, of course, I am not licensed to practice medicine in the state of New York, Guam, or anywhere else for that matter."

"And I would bet that Rico doesn't pull a permit before he detonates a stick of dynamite, either," Marlene joked. "But you penguins always find a way. The fact that you never went to medical school isn't a concern of mine, Skipper; I trust you. I know you'll find a way."

"And I will," Skipper replied. "I'm going to go now and head over to the zoovenir shop's storage room and watch one of their DVDs on otters to learn a little about internal otter anatomy; I wouldn't want to accidentally remove a kidney or something by mistake, now, would I? And then when Kowalski's asleep, I'll take a peek through some of his encyclopedias and read – at least as best as I can read – about cancer in general."

"That all sounds good, Skipper," Marlene said. "I can't thank you enough."

Skipper waddled over to the door of Marlene's habitat, picked up the umbrella that he had brought with him, and then turned around to face Marlene.

"Goodbye, Marlene," Skipper said. "I promise everything will be OK."

"See you tomorrow," Marlene said as Skipper made his exit.

Upon getting outside, Skipper was pleased to find that it was no longer raining, so he decided to take a little stroll around the zoo grounds to process all that he had just taken in and all that was left to still do. He then paused and looked up towards the heavens.

"I'm gonna need a little help with this one, Big Guy," he said before continuing along.

Although he intended to go straight to the zoovenir shop to view an otter DVD in their storage room, Skipper thought it would be best to first return to the HQ to tell the boys he would be busy for a while. Just as he was about to open the door, it instead opened at him and hit him in the left shoulder.

"Oh, sorry to be causing a bump to your flightless areas, neighbor," Julien said as he walked out, a plastic cup in his hand.

"Sugar again, lemur?" Skipper asked.

"Salt, actually," Julien responded. "But I'll bring you some back very soon."

"Hasn't happened yet," Skipper replied as he walked inside.

"So, what did Marlene want?" Private asked as Skipper entered and then shut the door behind him.

Although he had promised Marlene that he wouldn't tell anybody else what they had discussed together, Skipper also felt uncomfortable telling a complete lie to a member of his team.

"Well, you know how we do our penguin evaluations every few months?" Skipper asked to set up his reply.

"Why, yes, Skipper," Private responded. "I nearly beat you in the sit-ups section last time."

"Well, Marlene asked for an _evaluation_," Skipper replied.

"So, how did she do?" Kowalski inquired, overhearing.

"She didn't, Kowalski," Skipper answered. "We're going to do it tomorrow. In fact, I'm going to go now and figure out the routine."

With that, Skipper once again exited the HQ. He then shuffled over to the zoovenir shop's back storage room to privately view a DVD about the lives of otters in the wild, which included a portion featuring a marine biologist discussing some aspects of otter anatomy as anatomical charts were displayed. After watching the complete DVD, Skipper skipped to the anatomy section to view it again, jotting down some notes and scribbling out a few pictures on his yellow legal pad as he did so. Afterwards, Skipper turned to a clean sheet of paper and wrote the following words: "When all this is over, give Marlene a complete Penguin Unit Assessment."

Skipper then left the zoovenir shop's storage room and opened a door into the main store, which was now closed for the day. He waddled over to a shelf stacked with stuffed animals and pulled down an otter doll, placing it under his left flipper.

"I'm not stealing it," he told himself. "Like that lemur would say, I'm just _borrowing_ it."

He then left the shop and returned to the HQ, had a dinner of spaghetti with anchovy paste with the boys, and went to bed at the same time as the other penguins. But he didn't sleep; instead, Skipper waited for the others to begin their slumber, then he made his way over to Kowalski's bookshelf to read a little about cancer in some of Kowalski's encyclopedias.

Although none of the penguins were completely illiterate, all often ran into confusion when they encountered a written word that they did not themselves write routinely, even if they knew the meaning of the word when expressed verbally. Even Kowalski rarely cracked open any of his encyclopedias, as his reading abilities were only moderately better than those of the other three.

"Car-cin-o-ma," Skipper whispered to himself as he ran the tip of his right flipper over the unfamiliar word, sounding it out the best he could. "Ma-lig-nant; me-tast-a-size; mam-ma-ry."

Skipper sighed, feeling both guilty and concerned that his limited reading capacity might hinder his ability to help Marlene. He then stopped reading for a moment and soon began to hear Marlene's voice play in his head.

"I trust you; I know you'll find a way," she said.

"And so I must – and so I will," Skipper quietly said to himself before continuing his struggle to read about cancer for the next few hours.


	2. The Doctor is In

After knocking at Marlene's door and getting no response, Skipper decided to just let himself in so that he could get started with his examination of her to determine if surgery was necessary. He no sooner waddled in then he discovered Marlene collapsed on the floor.

"Marlene! Marlene!" he shouted as he scurried to her as fast as his penguin feet would allow.

When she wouldn't respond, he lightly slapped her. When he felt no pulse, he began CPR. With every chest compression, he hoped she'd return to life; with every breath he breathed into her, he prayed she'd begin to speak to him. As every attempt to revive Marlene failed, Skipper began to lose track of time.

Skipper glanced away from Marlene briefly, noticing that Kowalski was also in the room with him. He didn't know how Kowalski had gotten in or how long Kowalski had been there.

"You've got to give it up, Skipper; she's gone," Kowalski said from where he was standing across the room. "You've been at it six hours already."

"Shut up, Kowalski!" Skipper shouted in a tone he had never before used to address a member of his team.

Skipper turned back and looked at Marlene. It then set in that Kowalski spoke the truth.

"Damn it!" he shouted as he closed his eyes tightly and began to pound the floor with a fist he made with his right flipper. "I promised her! I promised her!"

Skipper then felt a sudden impact come over his body. He woke up, having fallen out of bed; he had dreamt the horrific scene. Fortunately for him, he had taken the bottom bunk that night. Relieved though he was, he couldn't stop trembling. He continued to lie where he landed on the floor for some time as he slowly calmed down.

When he was able to stand up, Skipper made his way over to the sink and poured a glass of water. He drank half of it and then dumped the rest over his head to cool off. He then glanced at the clock, which read six past 0300.

"If I'm going to be of any use to Marlene in the morning," he thought to himself, "I'd best get back to sleep."

Skipper placed a blanket on the floor near his bunk where he fell to cushion himself against the possible product of another nightmare, then climbed back into bed. He reassured himself again that Marlene was OK, then closed his eyes and soon fell back to sleep.

At 0600, an alarm clock sounded to signal the start of the day for Skipper and his brigade. Rico dove out of his bed and slid on his belly over to where the alarm clock was, shutting if off as the other three emerged from their beds, and then waddled over to join the others. Skipper then turned to look at Rico.

"Rico," he began, "I'm sure that the rest of us would agree that your lack of snoring overnight is worthy of commendation."

Kowalski and Private nodded in agreement.

"Now I'm off to see Marlene early, so I won't be joining you boys for breakfast," Skipper then told the others.

"Shall we imbibe upon the surplus now derived by your decline of caloric intake this morning?" Kowalski then asked Skipper.

"I take it that you're asking me if you can all share my portion?" Skipper asked. "Correct me if I'm wrong."

"Yes, sir," Kowalski responded.

"Permission granted," Skipper replied.

Skipper then waddled over to the kitchen and placed three apples into a black nylon duffel bag. When the others entered the kitchen to begin eating their breakfast, Skipper proceeded over to where he had left the otter doll he had taken from the zoovenir shop, placing it into his bag as well. Lastly, he waddled over to Kowalski's science equipment storage cabinet, looked behind him to make sure that none of the others were looking, and placed one of Kowalski's microscopes and an unused slide in his bag, positioning the microscope carefully so it wouldn't crush the apples. Skipper then made his way to the door of the HQ.

"See you later, boys," he said as he opened the door and made his exit.

After leaving the HQ, Skipper waddled over to the zoo veterinary station to gather some supplies that might be needed to help Marlene. After jimmying open a window, he began collecting the following items: two scalpels wrapped in sterile packaging, a pair of forceps, a biopsy needle, a needle of Novocain, a suture kit, a few masks, a razor, a roll of gauze, a package of surgical drape material, a tube of antibiotic ointment, a roll of medical tape, a small stainless steel tray, and a handful of disinfecting alcohol swabs. All of the items Skipper placed carefully in his bag, removing one of the apples before he zipped it shut.

Next, Skipper began to practice the skill and precision he might need to employ later if he had to indeed operate on Marlene. He retrieved another sterile scalpel, opened its packaging, and carefully began to peel the apple with it, beginning at the top and slowly turning the apple until he got as close to the bottom as he could peel with one continuous motion. Skipper then sliced away the fruit of the apple, evenly diced it, and then cut the core crosswise to reveal the seeds aligned in a star pattern. He then retrieved another pair of forceps and delicately removed the seeds. After feeling that his flippers could perform any necessary surgery for Marlene, Skipper tossed the apple pieces out the window of the veterinary station and then climbed out of it himself to head over to Marlene's.

Unlike in his nightmare, when Skipper knocked on Marlene's door, she soon opened it.

"What's up, Doc?" she greeted with a smile as she let Skipper in.

"Well," Skipper began, "I picked up some supplies on the way over, and the first thing will be to find out just what this thing of yours is."

"Are you sure you're still up to it?" Marlene inquired.

"Yes," Skipper replied. "But for your sake, I wish I didn't have to be here right now and that you didn't have this problem in the first place."

Skipper then motioned for Marlene to lie down on her couch, which she did.

"Before anything gets underway here, I feel that I need to mention a few things to you beforehand," Skipper said. "First, I know that you trust me, but it still must be said: I entirely pledge to you that I will not hurt, abuse, or exploit you or your condition for any nefarious, voyeuristic, or ulterior purposes; anyone or anything that would wish to do otherwise to you I sincerely despise. Second, only you are in charge of this action; I relinquish any command status and will follow your orders. And third, know that I will help you to the best of my ability no matter what happens."

"I certainly appreciate all of that, Skipper," Marlene replied. "Thank you."

"Now, um, the otter documentary DVD I saw yesterday mentioned that lady otters have four – well, you know," Skipper then said. "I guess what I'm trying to ask is–"

"It's the second one, Skipper," Marlene interrupted, sensing that Skipper was unsure about how to ask her which breast had the lump. "Second."

"Very well," Skipper said. "Then I'd like to have you do me a favor."

Skipper reached into his bag and pulled out a razor and an alcohol swab. He handed them to Marlene and then also handed her a pen that was sitting on a nearly table.

"Shave the fur off of where the lump is, rub the area with the swab, and then trace around the lump with this pen," he told her. "It's not that I have any personal issues with doing so myself, but out of respect to you, I'd prefer if you would do this part yourself."

Marlene nodded.

"Thank you," she said.

As Marlene prepared herself, Skipper went over to the sink and washed his flippers thrice over.

"They don't make rubber gloves in penguin sizes, unfortunately," Skipper called over to Marlene. "But I've got my flippers nice and clean anyway."

Once Marlene had finished the preparation, Skipper took the biopsy needle out of his bag and unwrapped it. He shuddered a little as he took off the cap.

"Here I am, a guy who hates needles, and now I've got to stick a friend with one," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Marlene."

"It's for the better," Marlene responded.

Skipper then advanced the tip if the needle towards the center of the circle Marlene had drawn on herself with the pen. When he got within an inch of her skin, Skipper reached out his left flipper for Marlene to hold as he poked the needle into her.

"That's OK, Skipper," she said. "I can take it."

"Well, if not for you then, for me?" Skipper then asked, his face contorted with discomfort.

Marlene took Skipper's flipper in her paw as he inserted the needle. When he got it in to the desired depth, Skipper shut his eyes, sucked some material into the syringe, and smoothly pulled it out. Marlene, on the other hand, didn't flinch a bit.

"Alrighty, let's see what we've got here," Skipper then said.

Skipper went over to his bag and pulled out the microscope that he had brought with him. He next deposited some of the biological material from the syringe onto the clean slide. After he had focused the eyepiece and was about to take a look, Marlene called out to stop him.

"Wait, Skipper," she said. "Can we look together?"

Skipper nodded and Marlene walked over. She began to peer down the right eyepiece as Skipper analyzed through the left.

"Straight up, what's the verdict?" Marlene politely asked after a moment went by. "No need to make it pretty, just tell me the news."

Skipper looked at the sample for just a few more seconds to ensure that his findings were correct, then he informed Marlene of them.

"I'll destroy it," he said, "but I'm afraid it is indeed cancer."

As Skipper looked at Marlene, she appeared to have no reaction to the news, for that's what she had suspected all along. She not long after resumed lying down on the couch.

"But you can remove it?" Marlene asked, looking to Skipper, breaking a brief period of silence.

"Yes, Marlene," Skipper replied. "It's called a _lumpectomy_."

"No, really?" Marlene asked, calling the name of the procedure into question.

"No joke," Skipper replied as he waddled over to her. "That's really what it's called."

"Promise me that if I die I won't be stuffed and put on display in the visitor's center," Marlene then told Skipper.

"Well, where do you want to be put on display then?" Skipper joked, but only in an attempt to see Marlene smile. "Hey, I'll do you one better: I promise instead that you'll be just fine."

"How can you be so sure?" Marlene asked.

"A penguin just knows," Skipper replied.

"You're right," Marlene said. "I'm in good hands here."

"Not exactly, Marlene," Skipper responded as he held up a flipper. "I lack the opposable thumb."

"I'm in good flippers then," Marlene replied with a smile.

Skipper smiled back and then retrieved the stuffed otter doll, one of the two scalpels, and the suture kit from his bag, placing the items on a table near Marlene's couch.

"One last practice, then it's showtime," he said. "You can watch what I'm going to do on this doll so you can know what to expect."

Skipper then took the scalpel out of its packaging and prepared to make an incision on the doll before he stopped short of actually making the cut.

"Oh, and you'll get Novocain," Skipper looked up to tell Marlene. "But this doll doesn't need it."

Skipper resumed his practice/demonstration, successfully making the incision on the stuffed animal relative to where he later would on Marlene. He then used one of the needles and a few inches of thread from the suture kit to sew four stitches to mend the area he had cut.

"Here, find a home for this," Skipper said as he completed his stitching and began to hand Marlene the stuffed otter.

"Oh, I'll cherish this forever," she sarcastically replied as she tossed the doll onto a chair across the room.

Skipper waddled over to the sink to give his flippers a few more rinses. He then had Marlene again swab herself to sterilize the incision site while he began to place down pieces of surgical drape material on top of her to separate the rest of her body from the area he had to work on. Next, Skipper began to set-up a piece of the material to separate Marlene's head and neck from his work area, which blocked her view.

"Do you have to do that part, Skipper?" Marlene asked. "I want to be able to see you and know that I'm not alone."

"It's just to prevent contamination, but sure, we can find a way around it," Skipper replied. "I'll tell you what, if you wear a mask and breathe away from the area, it shouldn't be a problem. And if it gets too much for you to take, just shut your eyes."

Skipper then began to take down the piece of material which was separating them.

"But what if it gets too much for you to take?" Marlene asked.

"Then feel free to give me a little kick to bring me back to reality," Skipper replied.

Skipper then handed a mask to Marlene and then put one on himself. He next retrieved the needle of Novocain and uncapped it.

"Here we go again," he said to himself as he injected the local anesthetic into three strategic areas within the surgical site, although he forced himself to be a little more comfortable with using the needle now than he had been with the biopsy one earlier.

Once he had finished numbing her up, Skipper looked at Marlene's face.

"Well, this is it," he told her. "Now, if you get scared, feel pain, or just want a break for any reason – I don't care if you just want to talk about the weather – just tell me and I'll stop."

With that, Skipper used the clean scalpel to break Marlene's skin in the area where she had drawn the circle in pen to mark where she had felt the lump. When he finished the incision, Skipper used the forceps and the handle of the scalpel just above the blade to hold back the flesh as he first made eye contact with the foe he had pledged to Marlene he'd destroy.

"You felt that, Marlene?" Skipper asked as he looked at the abnormality.

"Oh, it's serious, isn't it?" Marlene replied, worried.

"Just the opposite; this thing's tiny," Skipper replied. "I mean, that prima donna from that 'Princess and the Pea' kids' fairy tale couldn't have felt this one, Marlene."

"Oh, that's just wonderful," Marlene happily replied.

"This looks to be Stage 0, which means it hasn't spread anywhere else," Skipper told her. "It shouldn't take me too long to remove it."

Skipper then prepared to cut out the tiny tumor, repositioning the surgical implements in his flippers.

"Hold on a sec, Skipper," Marlene stated. "What's tomorrow's forecast?"

Skipper smiled, knowing that Marlene had remembered that he had told her that he'd stop for anything she wanted, even if just to discuss the weather.

"Sunny, just like your prognosis," Skipper replied. "A slight breeze from the southwest, high 79°, low 66°."

"That sounds nice," Marlene replied. "You can continue now if you want to."

"Well, that's what I caught on Channel 5 this morning at least," Skipper said as he began resuming his work on Marlene. "But a piece of advice: If you don't like the forecast, just change the channel, as those weather guys never seem to have a perfect track record."

Skipper continued the surgery, successfully removing the cancerous lump and the slightest bit of additional tissue to ensure that the cancer hadn't spread, placing that which he removed in a stainless steel tray. He next fetched the suture kit from his bag and sewed four stitches to rejoin the tissue of the incision site back together, the same number he had used when he had practiced on the otter doll.

"These are absorbable stitches, so I won't need to remove them later," Skipper told Marlene upon completion.

Skipper then handed Marlene the tube of antibiotic ointment, a piece of gauze he had cut, and a roll of medical tape, asking that she apply some of the ointment and then place on the gauze as a bandage, which she did.

"Skipper, won't the other animals wonder why I have on this bandage?" Marlene asked. "I was hoping that I would be able to have all this stay between us."

"I think I have a solution," Skipper answered. "Do you have any glue?"

"In the drawer below this table," Marlene replied, pointing to said table.

Skipper opened the drawer and retrieved a tube of super glue. He then went over to the trash can where the fur Marlene had shaved off with the razor earlier had been deposited, picking up a clump of it before waddling back to Marlene.

"Here, glue this over the bandage," Skipper said, handing Marlene the glue and fur. "Camouflage."

"This is certainly creative," Marlene said as she began to paste her own fur on top of her bandage. "A little gross, but creative."

After gluing on what she could, Marlene got off the couch and walked over to the trash can to throw away the excess. On her way back to the couch, she accidentally kicked over Skipper's bag, causing the two remaining apples to roll out.

"Sorry, Skipper," she said as she picked them up and placed them back in the bag. "Hey, what's with the apples anyway?"

"I took three with me this morning," Skipper told her as he picked up the bag. "I practiced my scalpel techniques on one before I came over."

"And the other two?" Marlene asked.

"I was hoping we could have lunch," Skipper replied, tossing one of the apples to Marlene. "Won't you join me?"

"I'd be glad to," she said. "But let's wash these apples first."

Once the apples were washed, Skipper and Marlene sat down at the table for lunch. As they ate, and for a little while after, the two talked of various matters, and of recent events and adventures. Skipper then remembered something he wanted to tell Marlene.

"Yesterday, when I got back to the HQ, Private and Kowalski asked me why you had stopped by that morning," he told her. "I neither wanted to tell them about our private discussions nor tell them a complete fabrication, so I told them that you wanted an _examination_, leading them on to believe that I would be giving you a Penguin Unit Assessment, which is our physical fitness and ability evaluation, which we do a few times each year."

"Nice tactic," Marlene replied. "You were able to keep your word to me and still not lie to your team."

"Well, it was a misleading, so it's still a little lie," Skipper said. "But it doesn't have to be. Would you like to really take our penguin tests?"

"You'd really let me give it a go?" Marlene asked.

"When you feel like you're up to it, sure," Skipper replied.

"When do we begin?!" Marlene asked, happy that Skipper had offered to have her partake in the regimen.

"You're an hour out of surgery!" Skipper declared, a little concerned. "It doesn't have to be right now."

"But could it be?" Marlene inquired. "It would be a nice way to clear my mind."

"OK, we'll do it now," Skipper told her. "But promise me you won't overdo it."

"Agreed," Marlene said.

"But you'll have to wait two weeks before I'll give you the in-water portion," Skipper told her. "It wouldn't be wise to do it now on account of your stitches."

With that, Skipper began administering the land portion of the Penguin Unit Assessment to Marlene, recording her performance on a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard, both which he barrowed from her. The assessment consisted of a multitude of exercises, coordination activities, and other physical disciplines which Marlene partook in for the next two hours.


	3. Trust & Trinitrotoluene

Once Marlene had completed all of the non-water activities of the Penguin Unit Assessment, Skipper began to review the results with her.

"Not bad, not bad at all," he said as he scanned over each item on the paper attached to the clipboard. "You're the first non-penguin I've ever assessed, but you passed every test I gave you. And frankly, that's exactly what I expected you to do. Nice job."

"That was a lot of fun," Marlene said. "It really did help me take my mind off of the cancer."

"I'm glad I could make you feel better," Skipper replied. "But you know what? I bet I can make you feel even better."

Skipper then put the clipboard down.

"That cancer was small – and thank God for that – but there was potential for disaster in the future had it not been found and removed," he began. "But there's a score to still be settled. There is a vendetta I must now execute."

With that, Skipper waddled over to the tray he had placed Marlene's tumor in and held it up.

"I told you that anyone or anything that would pose a threat to you is something which I despise," Skipper declared. "This cancerous lump threatened your life, and I hate it just as much as you do."

Skipper then placed the tray back down and waddled over to a secret compartment hidden underneath Marlene's floor, removing a tile to access it.

"Medical waste is usually incinerated," Skipper began as he reached into the secret compartment and pulled up a stick of dynamite and a book of matches. "But that's not good enough. We're gonna blow it up."

"You mean to tell me that there's been a stick of dynamite hidden right there in my home under the floor all along?" Marlene asked, not sure of what to make of it.

"There's been four, actually," Skipper replied. "And to let you in on a little secret, we've got dynamite hidden strategically all around this zoo just in case we need it when Rico can't provide."

"That stuff couldn't just blow me up, could it?" Marlene asked.

"I assure you that it wouldn't be here if there was any chance of that," Skipper replied. "All of our compartments of secret explosives are airtight and lined with fire-resistant Nomex. The dynamite is safer in there than in Rico's gut."

"That's a relief," Marlene said.

"Besides, this stuff's only dangerous if you don't know how to use it," Skipper said, handing Marlene the stick. "Here, I'll teach you."

Skipper spent the next few minutes explaining the safe use of dynamite to Marlene, including telling her about how to gauge how much to use, where to place it, how to know how much time there is to get away, the differences between dynamite and trinitrotoluene, and about the different methods that can be used to initiate detonation. When he felt Marlene understood the basics, Skipper retrieved the tray with the tumor, as well as a scalpel and the pair of forceps.

"Let's go over to that sewer hole where we can do this safely," Skipper said, leading the way over to it. "But let's make sure we aren't anywhere near where that grate could fall down and knock us in again."

When they got in front of the sewer hole, Skipper took the stick of dynamite back from Marlene and cut a small notch in it with the scalpel. He then used the forceps to jam the cancerous lump inside of the stick before handing the explosive back to Marlene.

"The honor is yours," Skipper said as he struck a match and handed it to Marlene. "Do it."

Marlene lit the fuse, blew out the match, and released the dynamite stick down the sewer. As she and Skipper ran for cover, the explosion occurred.

"And may that be a lesson!" Skipper shouted. "Marlene: one, cancer: zero!"

"Marlene _and_ Skipper: one, cancer: zero," Marlene corrected with a smile.

"No, this was all you," Skipper replied. "_We_ may have blown it up together, and _I_ may have been the one to remove it, but _you_ were the one to make the discovery and tell cancer that it couldn't have you. On life's scorecard, this one is recorded as your win."

"Oh, Skipper, I don't know what to say," Marlene said as she reached out to hug Skipper, her eyes beginning to tear up. "Thank you. For everything."

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed watching that vile lump return to the fiery pits of the underworld just as much as you did," Skipper said as he smiled and hugged Marlene.

"Yeah, it did feel good to blow that thing up," Marlene said.

Marlene then began to cry a little more as she thought about how lucky she was.

"Oh, Skipper," she began, "what if I had been transferred to a different zoo? What if you hadn't come back to New York?"

"Don't think about those things, Marlene," Skipper said as he held her a little tighter. "We are both here, and that's what matters. It was just meant to be."

"I know I don't always see things your way, but we'll always be friends, won't we?" Marlene asked.

"Not only will we be friends, but we'll always have something more," Skipper replied. "We saved each other's lives, and nothing can ever take that away."

"I copy, and I concur," Marlene replied in agreement. "But there certainly must be something I can do for you to show my appreciation for all you've done. Just name it, Skipper. Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. Forever."

"I already have your gratitude, Marlene," Skipper stated. "The fact that you wanted me to help you proves it."

"But what of any value have I given you before?" she asked.

"I have your trust, Marlene," Skipper replied. "And that means so much."

"And you always will," Marlene replied.

Marlene let go of Skipper for a moment to dry her eyes with her paw. She then stepped a step back and looked up at Skipper, then suddenly took a step forward and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry, Skipper," she promptly apologized. "Was that too much?"

"No, Marlene, it's not too much," Skipper said as he placed a flipper on Marlene's shoulder. "Not from you."


	4. Epilogue: The Ribbon

Two weeks after performing the cancer surgery and beginning to administer Marlene her Penguin Unit Assessment, Skipper returned to see her for the purpose of evaluating her performance in the water. When he arrived at her habitat, Skipper found Marlene already in the water practicing for her evaluation.

"I guess otters don't have a 'never swim alone' credo like we penguins do," Skipper called over to her as he approached the water's edge. "No matter, you appear to be doing a wonderful job."

"Thank you, Skipper," Marlene replied. "So, what's the first in-water assessment?"

"Let's see," Skipper said as he looked at his clipboard, "the 100-meter backstroke. Do you know how many times around your habitat's water is equal to 100 meters?"

"I do," Marlene replied.

"Then I'm ready when you are," Skipper said as he held up a stopwatch.

Marlene swam to where Skipper was standing so that she could use him as a marker to judge distance by.

"Ready," she said as she got into position.

"Three, two, one, go!" Skipper said as he activated his stopwatch and Marlene began swimming away.

Skipper watched as Marlene swam the necessary laps to equal 100 meters, and was quite impressed with the speed in which she did so. When Marlene called out that she had passed the 100-meter mark, Skipper stopped his stopwatch and Marlene swam back to him to find out how she did.

"Did I pass?" Marlene asked.

Skipper looked at the LCD display on his stopwatch and chuckled.

"That was the best backstroke time I've ever seen," Skipper informed her. "Congratulations, the record is now yours, as you just shaved 27 seconds off of my personal best. Are you sure you're an otter and not really a penguin?"

"Wouldn't that make me, um, worse then?" she quipped with a friendly grin. "Actually, we otters are just inherently good swimmers on our backs."

"If you say so," Skipper replied, the same type of grin on his face.

"What's next?" Marlene then asked.

Skipper glanced at his clipboard and then shook his head a little.

"We're gonna skip the next one," he informed her. "Now moving on–"

"Hold on, Skipper," Marlene said, cutting him off. "Why? What's the next one?"

"You ready for this?" Skipper asked. "The breaststroke. I just wouldn't want to offend you."

"Oh, Skipper, that's all right," she told him as she climbed out of the water. "How could I be offended by the name of a swimming stroke? I had breast cancer, but I believe I must move on. It wouldn't be right or healthy to dwell on it forever."

Marlene then glanced at the back of Skipper's clipboard, noticing a pink ribbon sticker, emblematic of breast cancer awareness.

"You put that on there for me?" Marlene asked.

"For you and the millions of others touched by the disease," he replied. "Yes."

"You really are a great friend," Marlene said. "I'm touched, but what do the other penguins think about the sticker?"

"Well, what do you think they think?" Skipper replied. "They may not know you've had it, but I know they all would support finding a cure."

Marlene smiled.

"Thank you for your compassion, your respect, and your friendship," she said.

"And thank you for putting up with me all the time," Skipper replied with a grin.

"You know, even if I did know some of the other ladies here at the zoo, I still would have wanted you to be the one to help me," Marlene stated. "And even if the zoo veterinarians would have been able to help me sometime down the road, they still wouldn't have treated me with the same kind of respect, kindness, and gentleness that you did. I would have just been another animal to them."

"Well, you'll never be just another animal to me," Skipper replied. "You are Marlene, you are an otter, but most of all, you are my friend."

"Even when I'm wrong?" Marlene asked.

"Even when you're right," Skipper replied, placing a flipper on Marlene's back.

"I don't care that you don't want anything in return, I still owe you one someday for all that you've done for me," Marlene declared.

"Well, you're in luck then," Skipper replied. "I've figured out how you can repay me after all."

"Of course," Marlene said.

"Don't let anything ever get you down," Skipper said. "And don't ever change."


End file.
